why vanilla shouldn't be embarrassing

why vanilla shouldn't be embarrassing

· By Oonagh Simms

why vanilla shouldn't be embarrassing

What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done?

You know the creeping hot sweat, bum clench embarrassment that make you freeze when walking down the street or shudder quietly in the shower. I often get caught up in a spiral of rumination remembering incidents from primary school assemblies or mistaken identities to every night out ever. Urgh.

Once, when I was 7, I told my teacher I could do the ‘Riverdance’, which led to me being asked to perform it to the whole school at our Friday assembly. Reader; I did NOT know how to Riverdance. I had never taken any Irish Dancing classes and I’m not even sure I had even seen very much of the televised version of ‘Riverdance’ Needless to say this mess ended with me crying behind a stage curtain whilst rows of cross legged children stared on and my big brother having to come up and get me. I still, to this day, wake up thinking about that assembly.

My hands tingle with shame when I remember the books I’ve pretended to read or the time when I was 19 and thought it would be cool to smoke Gitanes cigarettes…when everyone knows that no one likes Gitanes cigarettes.

My sister still gets the fear when going through revolving doors as she relives the moment she once hopped into the same cramped compartment as her –then-boss who immediately said ‘that was a weird thing to do, it’s meant to be one at a time’. Yup. that was a weird thing to do. Criiinnnngggeee

I wish I could slip through life perfectly comfortable with my own behaviour and life choices but… that’s just not me. Oh my GOD did I talk too much about myself again??. I am extremely aware of absolutely everything. Which is why I never made a Vanilla marshmallow.

You see, for years I would tell people they were somehow ‘beneath’ me and my very sophisticated tastes. I gave more than one interview - for actual printed publications - where I said this:

 ‘I would not have piqued the interest of Harrods or Vogue magazine or even been given a book contract if I made really delicious Vanilla marshmallows. It’s important to be creative in your choices’

Jesus.Wept. Can you bear it? Like I’m Andy Warhol or something.

Because it turns out Vanilla marshmallows are absolutely delicious. Mine are classic Tahitian vanilla – whipped from organic vanilla beans for a rich aroma. They’re light and soufflé in texture with a pleasingly nutty, brown sugar finish. It’s the only marshmallow I’ve been eating for a week now ‘just to make sure they’re ok’ well; they’re more than ok, they’re incredible. And I could not be more embarrassed about all the shade I was throwing them. Pffft.

So, I’m here to tell you I’m over myself. (I’m not over the Riverdance assembly just yet but give it another 20 years and we’ll see) and now you can finally try the loveliest vanilla marshmallows you’ll ever taste and I won’t be embarrassed about it one bit.

*WIN* Tell us your most embarrassing moment in the comments section below and our favourite cringe will win a box of Vanilla mallows.


  • right now I am leaving my current home in Sheffield to live in the Netherlands for work. The whole time I’ve lived here (a year and a half) I have called my landlord ‘Regs’…his name is paul and regs is shorthand for regards! he never corrected me or his wife and only now til I leave they say it’s not his name! Cringe!

    Katie on

  • For the strangest reason (unbeknown to me at the ripe age of 25) I used to tell people in primary school that Kylie minouge was my aunty! I got busted one day when someone asked me why I didn’t have an Australian accent…

    LAna eardley on

  • At primary school I was super excited when my teacher announced my class were going to be going swimming! I counted down the days & when the day arrived I turned up to school with my swimming cossie on under my school clothes (did I think I was Superman?) Only to find I was a week early & my classmates has totally noticed my cossie! Did I go quietly get changed in the toilets & pretend everything was normal? Nope I was 10! I faked illness & got my dad to come pick me up! He totally knew!

    Siobhan on

  • Someone once came to my shop door, while my shop was closed, I’m sure they just had a quick question or whatever, but I was not prepared… i panicked and pretended to walk down an imaginary staircase and hid under the counter and waited 5 mins to make sure they had gone away! Haha! Why am i like this!!!

    CAt on

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